For Real Keepin' It Real

As Christmas card season came barreling down on me I realized that I was running out of time to get an "official" family photo done in time to use the money saving stupid Groupon I had bought 3 months prior. I guess it serves me right for trying to skimp on Christmas. Any hoo, I decided to chose the happiest pictures I could find of the kids and I included one of those dreaded "updates" that everyone so loves to get at Christmas time. You know the ones...everything is wonderful, life is good, we are so blessed, the kids are intelligent little angels, yada yada yada. After the response I received from all our friends and family I came to the conclusion that a) I have surrounded myself with people who think that I am funny (I only keep the good ones around!!) and b) I needed to memorialize it for future generations to read in the blog book. So here it is. The Mazotti Family Christmas Update for 2013.

Dear Friends and Family,

2013 has been an amazing year for the Mazotti family! Instead of debating on where to begin…I’ll just start.

Cienna turned 6 years old in January and recently began the 1st grade. Since beginning dual language school she has been infatuated with all things Mexico. In fact, over the summer she told us that she loves “Chihuahuas, mariachi music and tacos” and “hopes to be a Mexican when she grows up.” Poor thing. I am not sure what is going to be harder. Telling her the truth about Santa Claus or explaining that she won’t be a Mexican. I guess we have a few more years before we need to cross that bridge! Aside from her relentless criticizing of my pronunciation of every 1st grade Spanish vocabulary word, she is just a gem. We have even widdled the battles over what she is going to wear down to only 6 days a week (whoot whoot!) and she is finally starting to talk about getting a job and moving out (hallelujah!)

AJ…oh AJ. He turned 4 in August. He has a great grasp on how to use cuss words at very inappropriate times and still occasionally enjoys pooping his pants. He has an amazing arm (the neighbors can attest to this) and he loves to launch all of his new toys over the fence into other people’s yards. He has also discovered his “weenie.” And now so have the rest of us. Good times.

Tony continues to live by the slogan “I’ll sleep when I am dead” being that he is a firefighter, trash hauler, recycling business owner and parking lot attendant. He swears that 3 hours of sleep a day is plenty…although the police officer who cited him for speeding in June was not buying his story that “the faster he drives the more he can get done!” But on the bright side Tony was able to further explore his passion for learning in driving school and even found time to do some community service. He is always giving back when a judge mandates it.

I continue to be a stay-at-home mom. A homemaker. A housewife. A lady of leisure. My other friends who are “kept women” don’t get why I have to leave our coffee dates early to meet a stranger from Craigslist to sell them a used mattress from a hauling job. I try explaining to them that I like my financial independence and I don’t want to have to rely on a man for money. They still don’t understand.

Well I certainly have enjoyed telling you about our massive accomplishments in 2013. I would like to end by saying that we haven’t been to any Christmas parties this year, because none of you have invited us. We are literally free every weekend in December, including Christmas morning. Our address is on the outside of the envelope. But just in case you already rolled your eyes and threw it away upon opening our Christmas card here it is:

The Mazotti Family
1611 Kit Carson Ave SW Albuquerque, NM 87104


I am so happy that many of you found great pleasure in reading our newsletter. Writing it was very therapeutic embarrassing for me but on a positive note, I know what to get a majority of you for Christmas. Depends. It seems most of you pee your pants when you laugh. Well really just the ladies. If you have not had kids and you are peeing your pants try kegel exercises. If you have had babies you will need the Depends. If you happen to get a "discrete box" delivered to your porch with your name on it, it's from me. You can thank me later.

Ho, ho, ho! Happy holidays everyone!