Choose Your Own Adventure

All it took was that trip to Ikea. I had no idea that my daughter would walk in an 8 year old horse lover...and out an 18 year old in love with Paris, France! It's times like these that you know even if there was a manual for parenting it would have to be a "choose your own adventure" kind. For example:

The day began like any other Saturday. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, your son and daughter are punching each other in the face. You really need to squeeze in a trip to Ikea while you are in California. Do you go? If yes, turn to page 15. If no, continue.

Page 15 - You are a brave one my dear! You know that this is probably the worst idea that you have had in a LONG time yet you still load the kids in the car and threaten their lives the entire way. YOU GO GIRL! Besides, you can always try your luck with the Ikea kids area and hope that every other mom in the Bay Area has not had the same idea. You arrive. The kids are still alive...and still punching each other in the face. But you don't care. Your at Ikea! You stroll up to the kids area and immediately the "attendant" eyes your 8 year old. "Stand up against this wall" she says. It is no use. She is too damn tall to be a kid at Ikea. Never mind that there are 12 year old Asian kids running and jumping and happily coloring within view of your amazon Caucasian daughter. They are below the line. Do you tell the "attendant" where to shove it and grab both your kids and leave? Turn to page 20. If you decide instead to leave your 5 year old to teach some 12 year olds how to take a punch and drag the 8 year old with you turn to page 30.

Page 30 - While the 8 year old knows how to keep up she also knows how to ASK FOR EVERYTHING. One minute you are enjoying coming across a completely necessary 99 cent reading light and the next she has managed to find the most expensive items in Ikea inspired by the Parisian bedroom on the 2nd floor. Before you know it you are saying things like "yes dear" and "we can totally redo your room this year" just to get her to SHUT THE HELL UP while you are trying to buy 50 things that will only ring up to $60. This will prove to be a fatal error on your part and you will pay dearly. If you pay now by buying her everything she wants turn to page 45. If you buy her nothing (except maybe a 99 cent reading light) and decide to pay later then turn to page 40.

Page 40 - Impressive. You resisted her relentless begging and reminders of "how good of a student" she is. But it is no use. She remembers every little word you said that day in Ikea as you were walking around intoxicated by the inexpensive items and the smell of Swedish meatballs. Within a month you will succumb to your fatal mistake and let her convince you that she "needs" this change. And so it is.

THE END

The Girl (At An Amazing Wedding in Austin, TX Last Weekend!!)

The Ikea Inspired Parisian Room

The moral to this story? It's either don't go to Ikea with your kids or don't go to Ikea in an area with a high Asian population. I am not sure which.