Dear Blog, Can You Hear Me?

While I have shared little tidbits of my trials and tribulations as a stay at home mom, I have not felt that it was the proper venue for complaints. Inevitably, there will be someone who reads this who thinks "she doesn't know how lucky she is to get to stay at home with her kids. I have to work. I don't have a choice." All I can say is AT TIMES I do feel like the luckiest girl in the world. But after 2 years there are many, many times I feel mentally and physically exhausted and I struggle to find joy in getting to stay home.
After a particularly hard day today I need someone to listen to me for a change. And my blog is the only one that I can talk to who won't talk back. Here goes nothing. My kids are both sick and sleeping on different schedules, Tony has only been home 2 days in the last week and I don't have anyone to turn to (or at least that is the way that I feel.) Maybe I am not maternal? Maybe my daughter is more "spirited" than most? Maybe this is normal? Anyway you slice it, having a job and letting someone fight some of the battles seems enormously easier than doing this day in and day out. Part of me is so upset that I don't have more patience. Part of me is pissed off that I cannot find joy everyday in raising my kids. Part of me is sad that I gave up a career that I loved. Part of me wonders what would really make me happy? Part of me is sick of constantly questioning myself. Am I giving in on too much stuff? Am I too much of a hard ass? It doesn't seem like anything works. If I say "you can choose this or that" she tells me she wants something else. If I say "do you want to pick out your clothes today?" she tells me no and then tells me that she doesn't want to wear what I pick out. It is so tiring. Even Tony sees the struggles. Last Friday he and Cienna flew to Tucson to pick up his new truck. That evening when they returned she immediately started whining to me and asking me to hold her. Tony couldn't figure it out. It is like a total personality change when I am introduced to the situation. She goes from being happy and independent with dad to needy and clingy with me. I don't get it. And boy does everyone have an opinion. Try this...do that. Believe me, I have tried it all. I have read the books. I not only read the parenting magazines I subscribe to them!
OK, I feel a little better just venting. Tomorrow is another day. I saw a commercial yesterday for a new show called "Parenthood." One of the lines was "becoming a parent is like hitting white water rapids. You don't have any choice but to keep paddling." That is the best advice that I have gotten in a long time. Just keep paddling....
In closing, I wanted to share the top ten things that go through my mind everyday. I am not being cute or funny. This is for real.
1. When will Tony be home? What is his schedule for his day off? Is there any time during his day that I can escape for an hour? (BTW, an hour is not enough time to do anything. Everywhere in ABQ takes 20 minutes to get to. 20 minutes there, 20 minutes back means only 20 minutes doing whatever it is that you went to do.)
2. Should I tell Cienna now that we need to get dressed sometime in the next 20 minutes or wait until the last possible minute to avoid 20 minutes of whining?
3. What should I have for lunch today? What the hell does it matter since I don't get time to eat my lunch anyway?
4. Is that AJ crying? Shit, shit, shit!
5. If Zeus pees on the tile one more time I am going to open the front door and let him run out. (Then I hear a bump in the night and I am so glad that he is with me!)
6. Since when did my free time consist of sitting on the couch folding laundry? That is not free time. Free time would be being able to lay on the couch and watch Real Housewives of Orange County without anyone talking to me!
7. Seriously, how many times can one girl pee to avoid taking a nap? Every 10 minutes this girl needs to squirt a little out. It drives me mad! (And I know what you are thinking...you should be happy that she is finally potty trained!)
8. These are the best years of my life, these are the best years of my life, these are the best years of my life. THESE ARE THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE!
9. Is it wrong to want to pee with the bathroom door shut?
10. OK, just kidding. I have really screwed this up. Can I start over?

Thank you for listening.

Firsts

This past week was full of firsts for the Mazotti family:

AJ started "officially" eating food. First applesauce, then bananas, now squash. And he went for his first ride in a swing...


We headed up to the cabin last Thursday and Cienna went snowshoeing for the first time...


We bought a new truck on eBay for the first time...


And Tony and I spent our first Valentine's Day as a family of four!

Our Local Hero

Just a quick note to brag about my husband. He made the front page of the newspaper two days in a row! Tony is part of a special unit called the Heavy Tech Rescue Squad and his fire station helped recover the remains of a man buried 8 years ago by his wife. For some reason they really liked Tony...and made him a star! The local news had been running the story with footage for a couple of days and the phone kept ringing with our friends saying "is that you on the news? We knew it had to be because you are the biggest fireman out there!" Way to go T! And way to go Station 3!


Station 3, Squad 2 (Tony is in the upper left with the red helmet)

Our other top story is that Cienna officially began potty training yesterday with great success. She has only had 2 accidents (which I am very impressed about!) and although she tried to say that she wanted a pull up diaper, we are NOT looking back! The candy is stocked, her vast assortment of Disney character panties is ready for action, and we are officially entering the "big girl" zone!

More Dr. Drama

The Mazotti family has seen their fair share of doctors this past year and I am just putting it out there that I am ready for this to stop. Between Tony's Achilles surgery, blood clot and kidney stones, AJ being born and my gallbladder, both kids getting the stomach bug in the last 30 days, I am so over Presbyterian Hospital. And after this last week, I can't wait until July when I can renew my tax free contributions to medical care. We have already plowed through the $800 I allocated for this year.
Friday morning we visited pediatric urgent care to have Cienna's tongue looked at. Thursday morning she jumped down from the dining room table and almost bit completely through her tongue. There wasn't that much blood and it certainly didn't keep her from eating and drinking the rest of the day so I wasn't that concerned. Well concerned enough to send Tony pictures at the fire station and have the paramedics look at it but not concerned enough to take her to the doctor. Anyway, the next morning the part that she had bit through had turned white! It was gnarly. Come to find out that part of the tongue had died and it would simply "fall off." Nice!
Sunday I visited urgent care after a small rash that had developed on my chest became very painful. Turns out that I have shingles! I am seriously falling apart. For all of my friends reading this who have not turned 30 yet all I have to say is GOOD LUCK with that! I hit 30 and I might as well qualify for the senior discount with the way that I feel.
I also went to the surgeon last week and they have scheduled my gallbladder removal for March 31st. They say that my body should adjust to not having a gallbladder 4-6 weeks after the removal which is good because I am going to Mexico in May and I am going to need functioning intestines by then. Lord above, please let us be healthy again!

Home Sweet Home

No traveling this week allowed us to get back in the swing of things and made me realize how nice it is to just be home (and in a routine.) Here is our week in review:

Tuesday's are now soccer days. Cienna has been enjoying indoor soccer with Lil' Kickers and she is pretty good at it too!


Wednesday we started ballet & tap dance. She loves the class because of all of the mirrors. She can stare at herself for days and that suits her just fine.


Thursday AJ started to act really hungry. The doctor had told me to leave him on the boob until he actually started reaching for food and during dinner I swore he was doing just that. I immediately ran to the store and bought some squash, which seemed totally rational at the time. Let's just say it wasn't his favorite thing of all time.



Friday we woke up to snow in ABQ. Once it melted off Cienna wanted to jump in the puddles. So we pulled on the rain boots and had a blast!


Saturday all I remember was vomit. Cienna got sick three times. I felt so bad for her (and a little sorry for myself too) but by the end of day she was feeling better. I did not document this with pictures. That would have been sick (pun intended.)

Sunday we started ripping out the hall bathroom. With the remodel well under way, it looks like a bomb went off in my living room. I am doing my best not to get anxiety over this, but anyone who knows me knows that I don't do well with clutter. You will never find me as the featured person on the show "Hoarders." I would be locked in a padded cell way before they came knocking on my door.


Monday I went to the doctor regarding my gallbladder. I am going to have it out at the beginning of April (due to the fact that AJ is still on the boob.) The good news is that my low-fat diet has greatly assisted in my weight loss post-baby. I am finding awesome new foods to eat everyday and I don't miss much of the high fat foods that I used to feast on daily. Definitely a blessing in disguise.

Well that is really it. I do have a funny little story to end this post. After Cienna being up all night vomiting all I wanted to do the next night was get a good rest. I climbed into bed, turned to Tony and said "let's say a prayer for no throw up tonight." Just then Zeus barfed on the carpet in our bedroom. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Goodnight!

Another Crazy Week

If you are a regular reader of this blog, I am sure you are used to the craziness that is my (our) life. This week was no exception. In order to avoid boring you with all of the details I am going to use bullet points and add pictures where applicable. Let's see how this goes...
** Thursday thru Sunday we had a last minute visit from DJ Brown. He and Tony are high school buddies and after many years of knowing him I will finally claim him as my friend too. We had a little too much fun catching up and acting like we did before we had kids, probably because his wife Melanie couldn't make the trip. I take that back. It probably would have been worse if she had come too. Anyway, by the end of the weekend we all felt like this:


**Tuesday we started the day with a trip to the ER with AJ after two vomiting episodes. I am not usually one to rush to the hospital at the first sign of sickness but he became lethargic and pale so it scared me. By the time we saw the doctor he was his normal, happy self. The doctor said it was probably just a fluke thing since he didn't have a fever, cough, runny nose or any other ailments. So that was fun.

**Tuesday afternoon we flew to Denver to visit my BFF from high school Jen and her boyfriend Justin. Once we arrived we got a call from our house sitter telling us that the key that we left him wouldn't open the door. This would not be an issue if my big sissy dogs weren't there. So one locksmith and $100 later he was back in the house!

**The rest of our trip was fabulous. We went to the Denver Aquarium, did a little shopping, and enjoyed several bottles of champagne and one very competitive game of Trivial Pursuit. Oh yea and we planned our couples trip to Cancun in May! Arriba!!

Daddy & Cienna Bonding Over Amphibians


In High School They Called Us Thelma and Louise. If You Don't Know Why, I'm Not Tellin!

Cienna Got Some New Gear (And Obviously A Bag Of Cheetos)


Jen and Justin Practicing with AJ

**Friday my mom flew in from CA for Cienna's birthday. Thank God for great friends, as she got there about 12 hours before we got home from Denver. After arriving home around 8pm we let Cienna open presents and then piled into the car and went downtown for Thai food. After a great meal and a $20 parking ticket we crashed out!

**Sunday was Cienna's 3rd birthday party at Chuck E Cheese with 6 of her closest friends. It was crazy fun! Lots of games, dancing, pizza, cake and presents. The 2 hour time limit was perfect. No meltdowns!


With the Birthday Girl


The Erdman Family Came Despite Missing Part of the Cowboys Game!


Playing Games with Granny


The Three Amigos: Meadow, Cienna & Makayla


Dancing With Chuck E


AJ Was Not So Sure About Chuck E...


The Beautiful Princess Cake


So Proud To Be 3!


Blowing Out The Candles


Uh, Oh! You Are Supposed To Eat The Cake, Not Wear It!

**Today my mom left for home and we started our bathroom remodel. I literally have a bathtub in my living room as we speak. Lord help me. Will we ever rest?!

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010!

For the most part, 2009 was an amazing year for the Mazotti family. We started two new business ventures, gave birth to our baby boy AJ and were able to survive in this very tough economy. With so much to feel fortunate for, it does not surprise me that the last week of 2009 would dish us out a heavy dose of reality.
It started with the gallstone episode on Christmas night. It took me completely by surprise, as I had no idea that I would face any sort of medical problems at 30 years old. Since the emergency room visit I have been able to control the stomach aches and pains with a low fat diet. A blessing in disguise I guess you could say. I meet with the surgeon on the 25th to talk about my options.
On December 30th, we had another completely unexpected occurrence. That morning, Tony was finally released back to full duty at the fire station. Because of this, he was sent home early from the academy so that he would not get overtime when he showed up for his regular shift. He headed home at around 3pm and decided to go to the gym. Being that it was going to be crazy at that time of day, he asked if he could drive my car instead of his big truck because it can be hard to find a parking spot. Anyway, when he returned at 6pm he walked in the door and said the words that I had heard just 2 short years ago...."where the bleepidy-bleep is my truck?" I honestly could not believe it. Unfortunately it was real. Our truck was stolen from right outside our house again.
At this point I am too emotionally drained to even talk about it. But for those of you keeping score at home, we had our first truck stolen in 2002, my car stereo stolen in 2004, a truck and dump trailer stolen in 2008 and now another truck in 2009. While I do think that this is very bad luck, I still feel very fortunate that it has always been vehicles that have been robbed from us and not our home. I attribute that to our loyal companions Zeus and Tonka. I guess we could always buy 2 more Boerboels to leave in our vehicles!
We are eagerly awaiting a visit from our good friend DJ on Thursday and then we are off to Denver Tuesday to visit more great friends, Justin and Jen. Maybe sometime we can squeeze in buying another truck (and a Boerboel! LOL!)

R.I.P. Duramax...And Next Time I Am Leaving My Dogs IN The Truck! Surprise!